Because Highlight Reels Fade- You don’t have to be everything all of the time.

It’s really easy to live life in the highlight reel.  Just focusing on being the fun, smiling, fitness loving version of myself that I want to be.  What’s hard is when those moments fade and I’m reminded of the heavier things. The things I don’t share. The things I should share. I am not a robot. Shit happens.

I am not broken.  breathe. I am still here. breathe again. Repeat.

All things that I’ve told myself and know other women have manifested as well.  You never really know what you truly want until it could be taken away.  I’ve distracted myself with work, fitness, literally anything possible.  I’ve chosen not to talk about what’s going on in hopes that I could just get “fixed” and then I could just go about my business and stick to my reel. It did me no good. Being silent just made me distant. Ignoring reality did nothing to change it. Now that I have started opening up- I almost feel liberated from the reel I had created.

That reel faded.  Fast.  It impacted relationships.  It changed me.  It changed what I want and where I’m going on this crazy road called life.  Being a mother was something I had always labeled as “some day”.  I’ve always wanted to adopt but I always thought I would be able to conceive naturally as well.  Over the course of the past year I’ve had two surgeries that most people know nothing about and have had to come to terms with the fact that my “some day”, needs to be on the fast track for health reasons beyond my control.

I am not broken. breathe. I am still here. breathe again.  Repeat.

What I know – is that there are so many women out there today going through the same thing.  You feel healthy. You look healthy. It’s like watching a movie of someone else’s life when you’re in the doctors office.  It’s hard for the people you love the most to understand when they can’t see the sick. Don’t hide from it. Don’t shrink. You are powerful and stronger than you know.

What I am trying to get at with this rambling post- is that it’s ok. Even when it doesn’t feel ok.  You can be mad. You can be sad.  You can let that highlight reel fade.  You are not less of a woman.  You are beautiful and complete always.  It took me some time and a little bit of an Eat, Pray, Love experience to come to that realization. We are in this together and the more women share what is truly going on for them the more we are able to support one another. To love one another. To remind each other we are enough exactly how we are.

Highlights fade. Heavy moments get lighter. It’ll happen again.

And that’s ok.

You’re ok.

You are not broken. breathe. you are still here. breathe again. Repeat.

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